How many of us have been here before? Can’t get to sleep…a longing inside you just can’t seem to shake, no matter what you do. This is a great song, but an even better video. Worth the watch and the end is outstanding. Soooo hot. Have a terrific weekend everyone. Off to see David Cook in concert tomorrow night. Can’t wait!
No, I’m not taking a foreign language class or sampling the latest hunk from Athens (though I certainly wouldn’t mind doing that!). Mmmm, I do loves me some Greek mens. Woof! But anyway, I digress. Every summer during the third weekend in June, Saginaw, MI hosts the annual Greekfest. There is a Greek Orthodox church here and a surprisingly substantial Greek population that takes pride in its culture, food, dancing and beer. Unless I am out of town, I always go. Not only is the cuisine fantastic, but it’s a great place to people watch…or man watch, if you’re gay like me.
The weather really warmed up here the past few days with temps inching upwards of 80 degrees. That meant men and mature boys in nothing but skimpy shorts, tanks and muscle tees and flip flops. And my oh my, the Greek guys. Mmmm mmm mmm. It should be illegal to look that good. Can I get an amen up in here?
But in all seriousness, I do loves me some Greek food, too. The food is reasonably priced and it’s as authentic as if you hopped on a cruise ship and pulled right into a Greek port. Everything from Gyros to Souvlakia, Dolmades, Spanakopeta, Tiropeta and Mousaka — to name just a few of the options. Oh, and don’t forget the flaming cheese (and no, it’s not flaming because I’M eating it, bitches)! They also pride themselves on their scratch made rice pudding and Greek pastries. And let’s face it…what good is a Greek meal without the Baklava to top it off? Mmm hmm. Gimme the food, pastries, beer and a hot Greek guy in my lap and I am one happy little boy.
Oh yeah! Well, I had everything but the Greek guy in my lap, but I certainly had plenty of man candy to look at, so it was all good. I didn’t get to attend a Pride festival this year (I know – you can almost hear the violins in the background and a lone trumpet playing TAPS), but this Greek festival allowed me to have my own Pride fest on the inside.
All in all, it was great times and I even got to spend a little time with some boys I rarely get to see anymore because they moved downstate. It was fun to see them, talk about the good times before they moved away, and comment on all the hotties. I might even go back today to sample me just a bit more of the Greek sausage…whoops…I mean, er, um, yeah, a Gyro, that’s it!! Let’s all say it together now — OPA!!!
OK, so for real. WTF? Is the entire freakin’ world against me, or what? I mean honestly. Dear sweet baby Jesus. If ever there was a time for me to ask, “what in gay hell?” So in a prior post (The Waiting Game) I mentioned that I was waiting to hear about a job — following an interview which, from my perspective, went very well. By early last week, something in my gut told me I wasn’t going to get it — even after my mind wanted to convince me I had. I am convinced, now more than ever, that when I get called for job interviews anymore, I am nothing more to them than a common demographic. I think most of them already have the person they want to hire in mind, but bylaws and policies say they have to invite a few other sorry ass schmucks to interview for good measure. I’m starting to think maybe I should go see Jackie Beat and learn how to become a convincing female impersonator. Shut up betch. If it gets me the job, hey, I’ll do what I have to.
On a more positive note, I must say that I am in love with Kathy Griffin. As one of her adoring gays, I consider her the cat’s pajamas. And I don’t say that about just anybody. Last night I got a double dose of “My Life on the D List.” It was fabulous. In last week’s episode she was with the Divine Miss M in Vegas and even got to be in her show. Last night’s episode consisted of a trip to Canada and a soiree with comedienne Lily Tomlin (another favorite of mine). No one makes me laugh out loud like Kathy does…except for maybe Ellen DeGeneres and Wanda Sykes.
In other news, I am still trying to figure out where I belong in the world. Oh I know…it’s a small detail, right? I am starting to think that wanting to stay in Michigan is pointless. There are other places in the country that are not dealing with the massive unemployment rates that Michigan is. And there are other places where, if you have a penis and you’re white, it’s not held against you as it pertains to landing a job. So I need to find out where those places are and get the hell out of Dodge – in my Buick…
My good friend Becky, I think, is the one who shared a quote with me recently that went something like: “if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got…” or something to that effect. And I started thinking about what that means. And then I cried all night and binged on Andy Capp’s Hot Fries, Powerade Zero and Paxil. Thanks Becky! Haha. Teasing. Actually, I did ponder it for a long time and it makes sense. Sometimes we’re afraid of change because we get in a comfort zone and we’re afraid to walk away from everything and everyone we know. But sometimes staying where we are does us no good — and I am living proof of that. I’ve been unemployed now since late last year and I am really quite tired of it. It’s time for a change…I just need to be pushed in the right direction so I know where to go. That’s the hard part…
Finally tonight, I offer this for reflection and contemplation: when did it become the “norm” to have assinine commercials at all hours of the day? I mean really? Seriously? When I say assinine, I mean commercials advertising products for erectile dysfunction, PMS, yeast infections, personal lubricants, and so on. Used to be you would only see those commercials after about 9 p.m. when the little ones had been laid to rest in peaceful slumber. Oh no. Not anymore. Now they’re just out there during The Price is Right, Jeopardy, Judge Judy, The Young and the Restless, Cops and so on. All hours of the day and night. I would love the be a fly on the wall at a home where a 3-year-old asks mommy what a period is or why daddy needs a bigger dick. I’m sure it would be entertaining if not overwhelmingly hysterical to observe.
Well pumpkins, that’s it for now. Off to bed so I, too, can rest in peaceful slumber. And oh yes, I just watched an Enzyte commercial before coming upstairs to finish this post. So glad “Bob” is happy tonight with his huge cock. We can all rest easier…
No, it’s not “How I Met Your Mother,” “Two and a Half Men,” or even “Cops,” no, it’s that wonderful show full of singing and dancing and long-ass acceptance speeches that rolls around once a year in June…known to commoners as The Tony Awards. I must say that I have not watched the Tonys in a couple of years but with all the hype that was leading up to the celebration last night, I was compelled to tune in and give it a chance once again. I must say I am VERY glad I did. They finally got it right. The Tonys are about the shows…about the musical numbers and hot guys wearing next to nothing. Having more music and more outstanding performances makes for a much more enjoyable show. I’m including here some of my favorite moments from last night’s amazing show. There were many memorable performances last night, but these are the cream of the crop. Hope you enjoy if you missed the show last night. Could it get any more gay? I dunno, ask the hottie host, Neil Patrick Harris!!
A couple of side notes: Poor Liza was a mess as usual…LOL And finally, last night’s show was a PERFECT reminder of how completely useless, boring, unfabulous, unmusical and how completely NOT WORTH LIVING life would be without the gay community. It’s also another reason why we always need to remember to NOT let the naysayers, the bible thumpers, the religious conservative nutbags and others like them make us feel less human, less equal or less significant than they are – because WE’RE NOT!!!!! Alright betches, that wraps it up for today. Enjoy the show highlights!
P.S. The final video is MOST of the opening sequence. It cuts out right at the end during “Hair.” Still worth the watch!!
So yeah. Happy friggin’ weekend, bitches! Actually, today’s a great day. My kidney stone is remaining dormant once again which means my new found appreciation for Vicodin is on a drug vacay. I won’t have to check myself into the Betty Ford drug rehabilitation clinic just yet. Woo hoo!
So I had a job interview this week. It was with an insurance restoration company. They’re the folks who come in after a natural disaster strikes someone’s home – you know, like a tornado, a flood or a Perez Hilton backyard barbeque. I actually felt like the interview went very well. I mean seriously, after 10 minutes with my interviewer (it was a she), we were gabbing like estranged sisters turned best gal pals reunited at a dysfunctional family reunion.
I think maybe I’ve finally learned the secret to landing a new job. Since the fact that I’m a white male with a penis always seems to work against me in a field dominated by skanky bitch whores, er, um, I mean womyn (or lady folk as the southerners might refer to them), maybe it’s all about angles. No, I’m not talking mathematics here. What I mean is that maybe being a fashionable gay man (OK, fine, a fashionable gay man in training), my angle for getting a job is by showing that I could be my interviewer’s new best friend. You know, someone who she can gab with, gossip with, go shopping at Macy’s and Victoria’s Secret The Gap with – you know, whatever (sorry, had a traumatic moment there for a second…unlike some gay men (who I totally don’t understand), I have no fascination with breasts and have no desire to go Victoria’s Secret…thanks, but no thanks).
Of course I realize all of this only works if I am interviewing with a female. With a male interviewer, the strategy would undoubtably have to change unless it was obvious the guy was a gay bro. Since that most often happens in movies and not in real life, I won’t hold my breath. Which makes me then contemplate: when it comes to interviewing with open-minded lady folk (it’ll catch on), is there such a thing as “gay charm?” I was uber-professional the other day and I was also personable. I wanted to show that not only do I say I’m a people person, I can actually let her see it in action – and she did. And she seemed plausibly impressed. So here’s hoping my flame was at just the right level to impress my soon to be new HR Representative (see, it’s all about being positive). I will have an answer next week. Please cross your fingers, toes, eyes and possibly even your balls for me. I only add balls here because a homo brotha from anotha motha told me that’s what he was crossing for me. Well that’s cool. Thanks. Whatever works for you, my leather fetish bear-loving friend!! (I needed to elaborate here ’cause I didn’t want people thinking I was a kinky – even though I might be – a little).
In other news, last night was one for the books. My friend Thomigirl was celebrating her birthday at a local watering hole that has a kickass karaoke system. She invited her “posse” which consists of all the gay men who adore her, myself included. The irony here is that this was not a gay bar. It’s a little podunk pub in the middle of nowhere that sits just about 6 miles outside of Frankenmuth, Michigan and we gays just sort of take over when we’re there. It’s quite comical actually. Let’s just state for the record that the place is never as fabulous as when we’re there…and they know it. As I mentioned earlier, I am still waiting for a kidney stone to pass, so that was on my mind last night as I contemplated whether or not I would pass it at the bar. I was waiting for just the right time to go to the loo and these lesbians girls got up to sing “I Hate Myself for Loving You,” the 80s rock anthem by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. With all the “uhs” and “ows” in the song, I figured my screams of pain from the restroom would have been muffled. But I decided to wait it out. That was the worst mistake I made all night…
My friend Ryan and I left the pub around 11:30 and decided to head back to Saginaw and go to The Mixx Nightclub (our gay bar). As we made our journey there, I could feel my bladder getting smaller and smaller and the urge to let the mini Hoover Dam inside me open in release increasing. I can only remember one other time in my life that I had to go to the bathroom that bad and I think I was maybe 10 years old. In that case, I didn’t make it to a bathroom in time. But in my defense, we were nowhere near a bathroom when that happened. It was inevitable. Last night was different. I willingly chose to not use the bathroom at the pub and made myself endure unnecessary torture as a result. I just wanted to make sure my bladder was good and full in case the stone decided to pass. The 20 minute drive felt like an hour – and I knew I wasn’t going to make it to the bar in time. Mind you, it was now nearing midnight and I said to myself, whether the damn stone passes or not, I HAVE TO GO!!! We were literally a block and a half from the club, but I was in trouble. Ryan suggested I go down a side street by the river (where it’s dark) and find some bushes. I did, and let’s just say I have never felt relief like that in my life. This is what two beers and two pitchers of ice water will do to you. Don’t try it at home. Trust me. It’s not worth it.
The reason I say it was a night for the books is because just about the time I was done using the gayborhood bushes as a makeshift urinal, I saw headlights and a car coming in the direction of where I was hidden. My first thought was, “fuck, the cops!” So without even zipping my pants, I ran back to the car and jumped in. Turns out it was just a car and they didn’t see me. But Ryan got a good laugh out of it after the fact. He was not laughing at my misfortune last night…but even I had to laugh looking back on it. Ugh, the stories I could tell of my life over the years. Just wait for the official autobiography that I intend to write at the age of 75. It’ll be a best seller!
Well, I guess that’s enough confession for one night. I think I’ve sufficiently embarrassed and humiliated myself enough already. Hoping your weekend is going well and a little less eventful than mine. Oh, and for the record…even after all the nonsense of last night and being concerned about the stone passing…it didn’t. It’s still in my bladder taking it’s own damn sweet time. Damn. Shit. Fuck!
I received a comment response to yesterday’s post entitled “American Fiasco.” It has not been (and will not be) approved to show up on my post comments. Instead, I decided it needed a more prominent place to be showcased for all the world to see.
Some godless asswipe from this WordPress blog had the indecency to say in response to my post that “Gay Marriage will threaten liberty in America…” Well, sorry to burst your bubble, dickwad, but the only threat to American liberty is god-forsaken, useless, pathetic, good-for-nothing, wastes of human DNA like you. Any questions? Good…
And the best part is, the idiot perfectly proved the point made in the picture of the billboard in my post. The things that people say and do in the name of God never ceases to amaze me. And yet still, today’s churches wonder why they continue to lose members or have trouble gaining new ones. Um yeah. Not a big secret. Closed-minded, godless, un-Christ-like behavior is not going to help your cause. Never has…never will.
Today’s conservative looney bin churches just can’t seem to get a clue. Preaching hate and intolerance is of the devil…not God. It is the churches teaching about God’s love and acceptance for all of His creation that are the TRUE beacons of light in a dark world. In case these assholes forgot, let me refresh their memories that God created man (all of us) in His image and He doesn’t make mistakes, so to question our lives is to question God. And that is not something to take lightly. Yet they do it so willingly.
More importantly, these so called “churches,” or as I like to refer to them – Temples of Hate – just love to overlook the most important verse in the entire bible. Words of Christ that were given as an ultimatum – not as a suggestion.
This ultimatum comes from the book of Matthew, Chapter 7, Verses 1-2: “Do not judge, or you, too, will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
There’s no gray here. It is very much black and white, crystal clear, no way to mistake what it says. But these Temples of Hate choose to ignore this passage because if they paid it any attention, it would invalidate every argument they’ve ever made against the gay community or any other group they’ve chosen to belittle and mock in the name of Christianity, faith and God.
Yes my dears, we that you have chosen to judge over the years also know God’s word. And unlike you, we take it ALL in context. We don’t pick and choose the parts we like or don’t like as it pertains to justifying our blatent hate and intolerance for a person or group of people. That is not what God taught and it most certainly as hell is not what Christ taught. So before you open your mouth again in outright defiance of what you’re taught in God’s word NOT to do, I suggest you think about the consequences. Because it will be you, not us, who will have a nice, especially warm place in hell waiting for you for all eternity.
Thanks for tuning in kids. I now return us to our regularly scheduled “heathenistic” lives, already in progress…
Oh, and P.S. Today’s post title is dedicated to one of my favorite comedians, Kathy Griffin. She coined this wonderful phrase to basically say “Fuck You” to all the asswipes of the world. I find it very appropriate in response to my visitor yesterday. Thankssss!
OK, first and foremost, my apologies I’ve not had a post in over a week. I’ve been dealing with another damn kidney stone, if you can believe it, and other things like twittering and facebooking and myspacing have gobbled up my time. I’m like a regular little cyber addict on crack. But anywho, here I am and I have a lot to talk rant about. So here goes…
Since my last post, a couple of things have happened that have me perturbed and perplexed. Most recently was yesterday’s development in the Prop 8 court case. Way to go California. I hope you bitches are happy with yourselves. First, I blame the voters for voting FOR hate and AGAINST human rights. Doesn’t say a whole hell of a lot about the people that live there, does it? Secondly, I blame the fucking courts (yes, I said FUCKING COURTS) for allowing brainless, dimwitted, pathetic wastes of human DNA who call themselves judges to serve in a capacity they know nothing about. As usual, they pander to the far-right nutbag conservative assholes instead of working for the greater good of humanity as a whole. The current judges all need to be kicked to the curb and new ones who have brains and are more progressive need to replace them. We aren’t living in the fucking dark ages anymore…so get the hell over your shit, or get the hell out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I’ve made my point. Thank you…
Side Note: I know the picture above is a little blurry. What the billboard says is as follows:
MissonGathering Christian Church IS SORRY for the narrow-minded, judgmental, deceptive, manipulative actions of those who took away the rights & equality of so many in the name of God…
wow – I want to go to church there…if only the other godless churches out there could learn to love instead of hate…accept instead of exclude…tolerate instead of belittle…but then I guess showing God’s love and acting Christ-like is too much to ask…
The Prop 8 fight is far from over. And I believe with every fiber of my being that the LGBT community will be victorious in the end. It’s just going to have to be a fight that’s fought in a different way. We cannot rely on the courts to fight our battles for us. We’ve seen where that gets us. God help us if we ever forgot. These are the same pricks who “appointed” George Bush to the office of the President during his first term when Al Gore won the election by a landslide margin. I guess we can’t expect people who would do that kind of injustice to our country to give a flying fart in space about the gay community. But enough said. I’m preaching to the choir here. All I know is that this is NOT over…not even close. So I for one will not be shedding any tears and giving anyone the satisfaction of making me or any of my gay brothers and sisters feel inadequate or like we’re lower class citizens, because we are not.
In other news, I found something interesting online this morning. And well, to be quite honest, it doesn’t surprise me. Last week, as you already know, the biggest American Idol upset in history took place when Kris Allen won the title over Adam Lambert. I think anyone with a brain knows that Kris did not legitimately win the competition. I am not saying the show was fixed – but I am never surprised by the lengths an “outside party” will go to in order to get the results it wants. Apparently, AT&T got a little over zealous and bent a few rules that were intended to help Kris Allen get more votes. And it worked. Take a look at the full story here.
I have nothing against Kris and I think he will have a good career if he wants to…but Adam deserved the title and as far as I’m concerned he is the Season 8 hands down winner. And actually, in a way, it’s maybe better that he didn’t win. Because now he can do the kind of music he wants to do instead of having it dictated by the American Idol producers. Rumor also has it that he is being considered by the legendary rock group “Queen” as its new lead singer. For now, he will be traveling all summer with the other Idols on the American Idol tour and then I think we’ll be seeing great things from him. I would not be the least bit surprised if this is like another Season 2 upset. Everyone expected Clay Aiken to win and Ruben Studdard was victorious. But we all know who’s had more spotlight time…and it’s not Ruben.
I am not really so concerned with the fact that Adam lost the title this year as I am that anyone would “fix” the results. When a company (especially one as reputable as AT&T) would try to swing the results one way over the other, there is a serious problem. And if what the article says is in fact true, then I think next year’s competition needs another change: the voting will be by phone calls only – no text messages. The only bad mistakes are the ones we don’t learn from or strive to change. Again, enough said about that. All I know is that if something doesn’t change, American Idol will have lost a long-time fan next season.
Time to get to other things I guess. I hope everyone enjoyed the Memorial Day holiday. Have a terrific rest of the week!
So a happy post Mother’s Day to everyone. Hoping all of you were good boys (and girls) and wished your mommas a happy mom’s day yesterday. Yes, I did, thanks for asking. So the day began for me with a Sunday brunch sort of thing with some friends. I was expecting this buffet sort of spread and mood music. Oh no. Not even close. It was a single plate of food served by some high schoolers who provided the musical entertainment after we ate. There was a small piece of quiche, a cold blueberry muffin and some fruit — followed by a piece of cheesecake. All of this for the bargain price of $20.00 per person. Sorry, but I don’t really feel I got my money’s worth. Then came the singing. I must say, the kids who sang were good, but the pianist sucked ass. He kept messing up and a couple of times they had to start over because he fucked up the song so bad. Seriously sad. It was titled, “Broadway Bound.” There were a couple of guys and they were obviously gay. Very cute…and very gay. It was a special moment.
To top everything off, before the lunch was served, I had a spider that walked across my place setting. Yup – just walking across my part of the table as if he were invited and expected to share my food. Um yeah, not gonna happen. I used my fingers to do the “flick” maneuver and he (or she) ended up either on the floor or on the wall. Don’t really care…as long as it was not walking on my utensils. Thanks. So after the merriment of yesterday’s luncheon, I went home and got ready for the trip to Wisconsin. Yes, I said Wisconsin. Please no jokes. I am here as a favor to a friend, but I decided to take advantage of being here and see if I can maybe find a job. Jesus knows I’m not finding anything in Michigan. Let me just say for the record that everything you think you know about Wisconsin is true. There are cows EVERYWHERE. No seriously, I mean absolutely ALL OVER. Wisconsin is also all about beer. I think there’s a brewery in every town with a population of more than 17 people.
My friend lives in Oshkosh, which lies north and west of Milwaukee by about an hour and 15 minutes. As we were driving around Milwaukee last night toward Oshkosh, I felt compelled to sing the theme song to “Laverne & Shirley.” It was tender moment and I felt a surge of nostalgia that waned as quickly as it appeared. I have been here now less than 24 hours and I am already ready to return to Michigan. I have found Wisconsonites to be a rare breed. My friend told me they’re bitter and unfriendly because they hate living here. Maybe that should be Wisconsin’s new motto: “Come to Wisconsin…You’ll Hate it Here.” Yeah, I’m sure that would attract people in droves. Let me also say for the record that as bad as I thought drivers were in other states, no state can compare to Wisconsin for bastard, dumbass drivers. These people obviously have no skills and never took driver’s training. It’s every man for himself here and that’s exactly how they drive. A word of advice: if you’re traveling north toward Minnesota or Michigan or wherever, avoid Wisconsin at all costs. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.
I am not really sure what to expect over the next several days while I am here. My friend Sarah is working a lot this week, so I am on my own to entertain myself in dairy paradise. There is a cool mall nearby (it’s where Sarah works) but after being there today, I won’t want to go back again for at least another couple of days. Sarah is off on Wednesday, so perhaps we’ll get out of hell here and go someplace exciting. I exaggerate. Oshkosh really isn’t so bad. It sits off of Lake Winnebago and is a pretty town. The population sign says 61 thousand and some odd people, but I am sure a large percentage of that number is cows. At least Sarah has cable TV and Internet. Without that, I would seriously go crazy. But this is a vacation so I am prepared to make the most of it. So far, it really isn’t so bad, minus the driving. I seriously put my life in danger just getting on the roads here. Bad driving is like the swine flu here – just passing on from person to person like a plague.
I wish each of you a great week ahead. I am sure I’ll have many more adventures to share with you in the days ahead so stay tuned. You won’t want to miss a moment of Wisconsin…through the eyes of a gay thirtysomething. Bring it on, bitches. I am off to find some cheese and beer. Shouldn’t be too difficult to find…
 | Dustin on The Gayest Show in Prime … |
 | Michael on The Gayest Show in Prime … |
 | Davis on The Gayest Show in Prime … |
 | Bigg on Suck It! |
 | Becky on American “Fiasco… |
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